istoba: kBAM!

jASON: greetings
 

i: Greetings back at ya.
 

j: Received a mildly amusing e-mail from c...
 

i: Mildly amusing is always interesting.
 

j: "Hi, Received fax from s. He still says that he did not receive the Agreement yet. He is driving me.... Please give me the details which address it was mailed to and when. Please scan me a copy if you can. Thanks, c."
 

i: " ... " That's brilliant!
 

j: Yeah
 

i: Who would have thought ... could say fuck better than fuck could say fuck?
 

j: haha
 

i: effing a

Oh man. work o work oh work

Why work, why.
 

j: laughs
 

i: I say we give the giant kick boot to all work, ever.

Everyone should just kick back, relax, and stop doing stuff.

Problem solved.
 

j: Even breathing
 

i: Sure

Why not.
 

j: Lotsa problems solved.
 

i: Definitely. what if the entire race committed suicide.

What would god say?

Hell has not enough room.

Have you ever said 'no' to someone or some request, without giving a reason? Just a flat no. And they ask you 'why' and you're just like 'no'.
 

j: No
 

i: Damn
 

j: hahaha
 

i: I wonder what they'd say. I wonder how they would act differently around you, and treat you, based on your reasonless no.
 

j: I guess it depends on what they were asking for.
 

i: For instance, at work. The boss says 'I need a flyer for my airplane hanger drawn up.' When I've already a million too many things to do (which he assigned). I was considering saying 'no' flatly.

I wondered what would transpire.

I think no one has ever said no to him.
 

j: What if you said no and hit him in the kidney?
 

i: Even better!

Because then he can't respond.

At least for a few seconds.

But if he does (by trying to hit back) you just punch him harder really quick like.

In a kind and caring way.

Now THAT'S spin!

'kicking you, in a kind and caring way'.

Sounds like something from the bush administration playbook.
 

j: That's like 'compassionate conservatism."
 

i: Laughs

Precisely.
 

j: Does your message thing say "don't quit your job- earn you as, bs, or ms degree in 1 year!"

?

At the bottom.
 

i: hmmm.. I'm using windows vista with I think a newer version of MSN Messenger. It has a picture of WINDOWS LIVE MESSENGER, under 'Advertisement', but no ad.

But I've seen an ad like that before on this message thingy.
 

j: No

I'm special.

It's a special offer

Just for me.
 

i: In the back of premier magazine there's an ad for a 7 disc dvd director course, with FREE diploma and course completion certificates!!
 

j: Wow!!
 

i: Right next to 'how long until maximum enlargement can be reached?' penis enlargement ad.
 

j: Oooo!
 

i: hahaha
 

j: I get special e-mails about that.
 

i: And on the opposite page, 'better sex', with some serious soft core porn pictures.

A full page ad no less.
 

j: Wow

So

What shall we discuss tonight?

I was thinking a very important topic.
 

i: I'm up for anything. Let's hear it.
 

j: "will harry potter die in the next (and last) book?"
 

i: Answer: Yes
 

j: And more importantly

"will naughty teenage girls still write homo-erotic fan fic about him?"
 

i: hahaaaha

Ahh fan fiction, where would 'reality' be without you.
 

j: laughs

"Number one, it's time to shine my helmet."
 

i: laughs

Teenage girls ARE horny.
 

j: They could have had the intelligent quiet boy.

But fell for the jock.
 

i: Jocks can be so serenely dumb.

Or can they?

An important question.

Let's ask our panel.

Tomorrow, on leeza gibbons...

Alright, you got your sarcastic humoristic fatalistic comment in there.

What's the REAL topic.

Mel Gibson?

Britney Spears?

Tim Allen?

You know I can't think if not in celebrity.
 

j: Kim whatisname

From Korea.
 

i: Who the hell
 

j: Lil kim!
 

i: hahahaa

She cool

Served her time.
 

j: I'm talkin' bout the leader ov north Korea

The other lil kim.
 

i: Oh, the guy with the cool haircut.

That the Americans make fun of

Relentlessly.

I don't know the guy, can't talk about him.

It's only fair.

This isn't freakin fox commentary.

Here's a question to posit in your ears.
 

j: Boxes
 

i: I like the topic.

There's something warm and friendly about a box.
 

j: Yup McDonald's started putting their burgers in boxes after their hired psychologists told them that people like to open boxes.
 

i: People like opening mail to. They should seal fries in envelopes.
 

j: hahaha

Valentines envelopes.
 

i: If only. we can't live in too idealistic of a world. that just wouldn't be realistic.

So here's the question....

How likely is it that everything we're perceiving is not really happening?

On a scale.

I let you decide the scale.
 

j: I don't perceive scales.
 

i: laughs

Damnit
 

j: The question is...
 

i: Like that

Did I really just say damnit?

Or didn't I.
 

j: Are they happening THE WAY we perceive them?

Are we inside the fish bowl, and the goldfish swimming around out in the open air?
 

i: You and I should start a spin corporation. What with your ability to rephrase questions by stating 'the real question is', and my ability to neutralize and contradict from every possible angle... we could make millions!

MILLIONS!!!

What is 'way', btw. The perception of movement?
 

j: The perception ov perception.
 

i: *gong*

When you're perceiving yourself... i.e., you're aware (right now) you're alive. Doesn't that make you schizophrenic?
 

j: Are you alive
 

i: Is it possible to fuck someone up with questions?
 

j: Or have you just stopped death?
 

i: hahahaaaa!!

Our questions rule.

What is a question?
what is is?
and what is what? and and

Why does beer make everything better?
 

j: What?
 

i: Why do we ask questions?
 

j: The best beer is homemade!
 

i: Liar

Take that back.

You've been bought off by the homemade beer connoisseurs.
 

j: Try it!
 

i: You disgust me.

Try the moon!
 

j: I made my own beer, and it was great!

I used chocolate.
 

i: Why must you lie!

*hurl*
 

j: What is a lie?
 

i: Let me tell you what a lie is...
 

j: Truth
 

i: I give up. I tried to think about it, but it killed my neurons. It has its own army up there, protecting the fortress.
 

j: Hmmmm

Explain females to me.
 

i: What is laziness

haha
 

j: Your perception.
 

i: Females

Hmmmm

They're the yin to our yang.

haha!

Wait, let me be serious.
 

j: Don't be playing with your yang!
 

i: I play only with yin
 

j: Good

Good

Never rub another man's rhubarb.
 

i: That's good math.

For these 'numeric' times
 

j: So

Is perception everything?

How important is it?
 

i: Sorry, that was the tagline on my math book.

Very IMPORTANT!!

With emphasis.
 

j: But everyone's perception is different.
 

i: But here's a question.
 

j: Remember the elephant story??
 

j: Elephant!
 

i: Is there any purpose or importance to undervaluing its importance? Like when someone says 'it's just perception.'

You can't bring elephants into this conversation

No room for elephants.

Ahh, ... go on, you know I can't say no to an elephant story.
 

j: What is the difference between perception and opinion?

You know- the blind men and the elephant.
 

i: Haven’t heard it.
 

j: One thought it was a rope

Because he just felt it's tail

One thought it was a tree

Because he just felt it's leg

One thought it was a wall

Because he just felt it's side

They were all wrong

Because ov their perceptions!!
 

i: That's great. But why an elephant? Why not a cute little pigeon
 

j: It's too small.
 

i: Why, why, WHY!!
 

j: You could tell it's a pigeon by feeling it.
 

i: Mr. pigeon is offended.

I want a pet pigeon, and to call him 'mr. pigeon.'

That would make me happy

I'm sure of it.
 

j: You wouldn’t rather have a parrot?

They talk

You could teach it useful things like recipes.
 

i: But, about the elephant story. It was just an elephant. They each perceived parts of it. But what is the importance of even the moral of the story?
 

j: Well

Someone brought them in the room with it and asked them what it was.

And they all guessed wrong

Because they only felt a part ov it.
 

i: And how does that help us?
 

j: What if we only perceive part ov reality?
 

i: But the person who administered the test, and eventually the participants, found out it was an elephant.
 

j: No

I think he had their heads chopped off.
 

i: laughing
 

j: Is their a difference between perception and opinion?

Like

One might say that Stephen King is the greatest writer ov all time.
 

i: laughs

Alright, let's solve this.. No more 'Mr..' I don't know anything'

Perception is awareness. opinion is thought on awareness, which can understandably and sometimes intentionally and with good purpose, isolate and exclude aspects of the entirety of the thing perceived.
 

j: But how can 2 people perceive something so differently-

i.e. one thinks King is a great author

Another thinks he suks
 

i: I think I used the example of the 10 artists in the room painting the picture of the nude woman. They all paint it differently. But in all of them you can recognize the woman.

Naked

Naked!
 

i: Well, perception would involve Stephen King. Anyone's thoughts on him would be their opinions. Representations of how they feel inside. I'd say positive opinions emerge from events and things that make one feel good, and negative the opposite. But not everyone has to like the same things. Everyone does need to agree on major things that affect everyone, such as those that pertain to the basic necessities of life.

Our priorities are wackless.
 

j: Well

Everyone hates spam.
 

i: That's part of the anxiety and frustration I feel, and quite effectively blame and judge myself over.

My inability to stop contributing to the current system.
 

j: Why isn't it outlawed?
 

i: It is outlawed.

Congress passed the CAN SPAM act 2 years ago.

But not in Russia.

And many other nations.

Which is where most of it comes from.

But spam is not a life or death situation.
 

j: Well
 

i: Or is it?

Hmmm
 

j: I am against outlawing spam.
 

i: I happen to not mind spam.
 

j: It's my right as an American to receive it
 

i: laughing

Write your congressman. He'll listen.

With a form letter.
 

j: I like snail mail spam.

I like to send them stuff back in their pre-paid envelopes.
 

i: Like free coupons and stuff?

Or half eaten pizza crust.
 

j: Boogers

Cat litter.
 

i: Ewwww
 

j: Their own spam torn up.
 

i: laughs
 

j: I've heard you can tape a brick to it, and they have to pay.
 

i: I want to live in a civilization designed by you.

'free brick enclosed'

Brick meet face.
 

j: hahaha

"thank you for your offer of a credit card with 21 % interest- in return I've sent you a nice brick for your enjoyment..."
 

i: You know that questionable movie Donnie Darko had that line about that guy who thought cellar door was the most beautiful sentence ever. He was wrong. It's brick meet face.
 

j: Donny Darko was awesome!
 

i: See. I inserted my opinion into Donnie Darko.
 

j: It introduced the world to Jake Gyllenhaal.

From which we got "Brokeback Mountain."

Yay!
 

i: You mean the slummy semi goth teen world.

But that girl in it was alright.
 

j: Brokeback Mountain?
 

i: D darko.
 

j: Yeah

She was also in Saved

And Life As a House.
 

i: I regret all of those movies.
 

j: hahaa
 

i: :D

Lets talk about teeth

They're so...

... resourceful.
 

j: Toothy.
 

i: And toothy.

Couldn't have put it better.

Truth is tooth.
 

j: And there's sooo much truth decay in the world.
 

i: I think we're going to be 70 chatting on MSN and talking this same way.

laughing

We've got to focus!!

FOCUS on....
 

j: Truth decay.
 

i: The pixels on the screen.

Each pixel, contains the answer to everything ever!

And many pixels together, though merely 1s and 0s, form an irresistibly undeniable image of a smoothly gradiated and tan half naked extremely attractive female lingerie model.

The 1s and 0s match the sequence in my mind associated with attraction and desire. But it's all so automatic. How can I turn it off?
 

j: Big hammer.
 

i: Without inflicting pain!

That's it. Let's talk about pain.
 

j: What kind ov pain?
 

i: Any pain

Pain in general.

What is pain?

Mere resistance?

Perceived resistance.
 

j: A warning sign.
 

i: So it's purposeful?
 

j: Mostly.
 

i: Where did it get its purpose.

What is its origin?

Would it matter to know?
 

j: It is built in.
 

i: Would it make a difference

Who built it in
 

j: To most living things.

I wonder if plants can feel pain?
 

i: I think so

I hope so!

Because I strangle this plant every night.
 

j: What kind ov plant is it?
 

i: I'm just making it all up. But that brings up an excellent topic of discussion. Imagination. The best nation in the world!
 

j: Don't know much about that.
 

i: You're a master of imagination.

Does it just come naturally?
 

j: Hmmm

I don't know

I was an only child for years.
 

i: Was it from watching star wars so many times?
 

j: Most ov my childhood.

That might have had something to do with it.

Being an only child.

Friendless

Raised by wolves
 

i: :|
 

j: Ahhh but that's a tale for another time.
 

i: hahaha
 

j: I have a good idea for next week's discussion.
 

i: Bring forth the idea.
 

j: The collective unconscious.
 

i: Does it exist, or doesn't it.
 

j: I think it does.

Do you?
 

i: I used to, now I'm not so sure.
 

j: Yeah, that's what everyone says now.

;)
 

i: But it does line up with my experience of waking before 5 am and feeling really energized, as opposed to waking up any time after 6 and feeling more and more drained.... and about staying up late too.

When everyone is asleep, there's more creative energy available to those who are awake.
 

j: So

When it's night here.

It's daytime in China.

Which has a larger population.

So

When it's night here.
 

i: And vice-versa... when I sleep until 11 or 12, when everyone else is not in the sleep realm, the sleep is better.
 

j: There should be less .
 

i: But China's so far away!

Not that distance really matters I guess in the collective unconscious realm.
 

j: Yeeaaahhhh
 

i: Well, collective unconscious it shall then be. I'll expect a thesis on it. And to walk away feeling as though I just attended a $1,995 seminar.

Or wait, the opposite of just attending a $1,995 seminar.
 

j: How about sitting in an alley listening to a bum go on for an hour or two?
 

i: That's perfectly acceptable.

I seek the wisdom of bums.
 

j: Some queries to think on:

How do you drop out ov the collective unconscious without using something pointy to stab your brain?
 

i: Simple: teacher permission slip.
 

j: Where do the collective unconscious thoughts originate?

How did Rob Schneider ever become popular?
 

i: That's unsolvable.

We go to our graves on that one.
 

j: With his mugging.
 

i: We should discuss graves too.
 

j: The bug eyes.
 

i: Grave sites.

Size of gravestones.
 

j: And (shudder) worst ov all...
 

i: Graves in general.
 

j: His tendency to remove clothing often and without provocation.
 

i: My mind reels.

I'd like to watch you and Rob Schneider hang out together.
 

j: hahaha
 

i: I never see any articles or mentions or pictures of him in any of the celebrity magazines.
 

j: You'll love this:

On msn

Meetings make us dumber, study shows.
 

i: Send me the link! I'll plop the article on the table at our next meeting, and declare 'insanity!!'
 

j: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17279961/
wid/11915773?GT1=9033
 

i: Oh this is gold! so goold.

Wait, we're meeting!! We're becoming dumber.
 

j: not me!
 

i: laughs
 

j: I'm so glad Britney's going into rehab

It'll do her some good.
 

i: Poor girl. People leech off of her perceived importance, and that must severely affect the psyche. How can grown men, first of all host an entertainment celebrity gossip show, and then talk about other people's personal lives like they were the most important thing in the world?

Like there was nothing more important.

A shaved head.
 

j: Yay!
 

i: It looks good on her. We should let her be.
 

j: I don't think she wants that
 

i: Why are we so interested in each other?

Rather than ourselves.
 

j: We know ourselves.
 

i: In a non-narcissistic way

Do we?
 

j: The antics ov others let us forget about our own problems for awhile.
 

i: But shouldn't we want to solve our problems?
 

j: No!

We need our problems

Our pain

Didn't you ever see 'star trek 5'
 

i: laughing
 

j: The best star trek movie ever!
 

i: I don't remember it.
 

j: That's the one where the hitherto unmentioned brother ov spock shows up and starts removing people's pain.

And they go to find god

"why does god need a spaceship?"
 

i: laughing

Just thinking about you saying that cracks me up.

ahhhhh

In other news: Peanut butter confirmed as salmonella source.

Fuck, they call this reality.

This is a joke.

Peanut butter confirmed as salmonella source?

I don't even know where I'm living.

This has to be one giant joke.

Alright! Jokes up, it was a good one. You got me.

Sigh
 

j: Perhaps he's still giggling.
 

i: I'm smiling

I like people.
 

j: Here's a good one:

I have to go to wal-mart

People!
 

i: You mean the giant rectangle!

Super rectangle, if you will.

"always, rectangular. always."
 

j: hahaha

Yeah
 

i: That is a joke.

What must you get? Can you live without it?
 

j: Water
 

i: Yikes! the essential.
 

j: And perhaps cup cakes.
 

i: Hahaaha

"yes, definitely cup cakes. now that I think more about it."
 

j: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
 

i: Thoughts of cupcakes are delightful.

Nothing wrong with thoughts of cupcakes. In fact, you could call them 'perfect' thoughts.
 

i: Have you ever known anyone obsessed with perfection? How would you describe them?
 

j: Everyone seems to be obsessed with perfection.
 

i: What about someone who doesn't care if they do a poor job at work. Or not work at all?
 

j: That's why there are so many make-up, cosmetic surgeries, stupid magazines like cosmo, etc sold.
 

i: Surely, you can't mean, not, 'lucky'!
 

j: hahaha

Lucky

I think it folded

I hope

Haven't seen one in awhile.
 

i: No. I saw it here, just last week at borders.
 

j: Swell
 

i: I thought about Liu Kang fly kicking it through the 7 layers of newsstands, but then I didn't want to set off any terrorist alarms.

And reveal my super human Mortal Kombat capabilities.
 

j: hahaha

Sonic booom!

Wait
 

i: laughing
 

j: That's street fighter.
 

i: Haiuruken!
 

j: The best

Ok

I'd better get to the mart

Wals-y
 

i: Tis' meant to be.
 

j: Yup
 

i: Sam would be proud.
 

j: Remember

Collective unconscious

Next week

Google
 

i: As would his apprentice, John Marmaduke.
 

j: Wickipedia.
 

i: Deal
 

j: Talk at you then...
 

i: I think one day we we'll appear on wikipedia.
 

j: Hell yeah!!
 

i: Sayonara! go get some cupcakes

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